#it hurts too much to stay the same | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cherrysnax · 6 months ago

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I don’t think happiness is real 👍🏾

#Ive been saying and doing and thinking the same ways for years now and I just can’t break away from the cycles #I know what I have to do to break free #but I’m too much of a coward to #I can’t run away I can’t change myself I’m forced to live this life by no one but muddled because #it hurts too much to change #it hurts too much to stay the same #im going to lay down and draw the same things I’ve been drawing for years and listen to the same music and it’s all going to suck #and I’m going to get so wrapped in the monotony of my life that ten twenty years will pass and I will have accomplished nothing #I am stuck in a hell of my own making and I have no clue how to escape it #but even if I did I wouldn’t #👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾#because I think I deserve hell

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silusvesuius · 4 months ago

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testing out drawing maormer 🪸🐚🪸 and a nelvas 🧣📜🩷 i'll ramble about maormer a bit in the tags

#tes #skyrim #my art #do you like my nelvas emojis🧣📜🧣📜 get it? scarf🤗 and scroll🤗 Everything hurts sofucking bad #anyways i talked about them wif my friend quite a bit i basically 'agree' w/ everything that is written about them && their biology in -#- canon; except tes is very much all Talk and no good actual visual presentation of what it's talking about #cus all of the maormer look like garboooo likeee what am i looking @#but since this is just a first test i think i'll keep playing around with their looks later; they are most close to altmer obvi in the -#- sense of how 'mutated' they r. however maormer are more gross looking for the typical human #they do have flat faces and alldat in canon already but i want them to just have nostrils and no real nose bridge #and they have no lips😝 they also have very visible gums. && have anglerfish teeth #what would be fur on other mer is just scales on them and is placed is scattered in the same places #i was thinking of making swimming most comfortable for them so i gave them more fins #they'd have them on arms and legs and the hair on the tail for them is just a big fin🐠#as for hair i'm thinking of them having none of it at all bcos it looks sooooo ugly on them it's very unnerving to see hair on fish #either no hair at all or something with a different texture. like slimy silky thin seaweed #or the hair that m*necraft striders have LMAO #webbed fingers is cuuuute they'd have webbed armpits like they're those flying rodents🐿 lol #i'd place their gills on both the neck and their ribs #whenever they wear clothes they tie their arm and leg fins up ; i think from birth they just stay in water until they hit puberty and -#- r able to actually walk around #another cute fact is that males and females wud look literally the same almost (women are flat chested too)#fish fish fish #maybe i'll rethink some stuff. i still wanna draw fish babies #but in reality i think even the mere existence of maormer is very pointless bc they don't really matter at all do they #tes lore is soooo overstuffed that's why i don't know anything about it my time is so valuable to meLMFAOAOOO #saw a typo in this sorry i'm just chill like that

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pinkfestivalpeanuttree · 2 months ago

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oughhhh... what if... kinger and queenie were married before they arrived in the circus and once their memories started degrading, each other was all they had left of their life before the circus... or what if they were dating before and they got married in the circus... them being able to hold on even though everything felt pointless because of each other... also i know caine would have had a field day with a wedding in the circus. WHAT IF... queenie was the one who told kinger that things wouldn't be pointless as long as they had each other, and as long as he had people who cared about him.. and he passed that message along to pomni .. something something people living on in the little kindnesses that impact others, living on in memories and in legacy....

#i feel like early in his days in the circus kinger may have been a little like pomni-- scared and upset and jittery #maybe a little more scatterbrained than her #and maybe. maybe. queenie was his version of ragatha- personally i think the two of them arrived at the same time #but she was the one checking in on him and trying to stay positive even though it was difficult for her to stay optimistic at the time #not necessarily a buttonblossom post (although i do think it's a cute ship)#i feel like queenie could have been like a. rock. or a sort of anchor-like figure? not necessarily a leader but a source of support #if kinger was (not as much as he is now with his memory problems but at least somewhat) the scatterbrained one #then she could be the levelheaded one? balance each other out? i think he could have looked up to her too #but she would still be a fun person. i think one way she coped and helped kinger cope was with distractions (ex. bug collection)#so if she was smart creative fun and a source of support then it would hurt all the more when she started abstracting #and her memories started to go away and SHE became the scatterbrained one #and then kinger tried to emulate her when comforting her and others #the amazing digital circus #tadc #tadc kinger #tadc queenie #tadc checkmates #epilogue speaks

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stillprettyunoriginal · 2 months ago

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Names are so vital. So important and held to who a person is and gods Claude who has known Jericho through being far closer to Simon than himself now; through Jericho and the taking of his FACE through having to take in the mind of bloody fucking Martin. If names bring power, what sort of humanity does it draw out of a person when they’ve seen you try on a good couple. Maybe I’m just in my own head about this but truly, there are versions and layers of learning and change to the Jericho we know now, and after a certain point? If we move past his childhood? Claude has been there for nearly all of them besides the tubs. When he lost Kassie there was someone else and this one hasn’t LEFT through his learning and hasn’t died through him stumbling into the world and overall at his side. He has truly been one of the people closest to him. One of the closest you could get, at the very least, when you wear the face of a tormentor and feel your gut twisted by their own memories of their hatred of you or how you her them, and you can’t remember a world without that hurt. I’m never going to heal from these two I swear it.

(also the taking of Martin’s face is destructive to my mental health rip someone please save me it ruins me every time I remember it, n WONDER he had brother issues dude)

#city of blank #like seriously tho imagine being Claude and watching this man you died for break down #as he has to relive memories of his own torment THROUGH THE ASSAILANTS LENS. Like wtf dude I’d lose it #Claude is sat there at his side. Likely still helping coax him into showers as he’s growing skin.#Likely helping him find ways to stay clean and get up in the morning. Claude knows how to clean up without the energy for a shower #we’ve all been sad like that before. He gets that. He knows that. And fuck I hate how his apathy likely trained him for this #for helping someone take little steps into a world that has never welcomed him and actively hurt him #to teach him humanity and whatever he would let himself be taught. To grow into himself and not just into Martin’s skin.#AND THEN he watched him heal from being blown up and was there in the jungle shit and likely as Jericho’s red blank space came in like that #like. He has seen SO MANY VERSIONS of this man and stuck around for each one #i fucking love him. Symbol of bloody loyalty. Through thick and fucking thin. He has supported Jericho since the dawn of his second life #and he’ll continue to do so in as much time as the world will give him. No matter if it costs him an arm and a leg #or his family. Or normalcy. Because he doesn’t want normal he wants jericho. And that man is always pulled away from normal #by the very same world that has told him since birth that “normal” isn’t achievable for him #im actually distraught over them like im gonna sob i blame 66 this shit is too good #root rambles #jericlaude #claude cob #jericho cob #kinda long mb

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justafriend-ql · 1 year ago

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I love you, Ray. I'll never abandon you. ONLY FRIENDS Episode 4

#only friends the series #ofts #only friends #raymew #khaotung thanawat #book kasidet #melgifs #there is something irrevocably tragic about ray and mew's relationship that i'm drawn to #mew has undoubtedly been there for ray when he was in crisis #and that creates a bond deeper than friendship but also estranges them in a way #because mew cannot be everything ray wants him to be. and it isn't fair for ray to expect that of him #but that doesn't mean mew's absence doesn't hurt #and i think it hurts mew too. because as much as he wants his relationship with ray to stay the same #it's not the same. it's been tainted without either one of them meaning for that to happen #anyway! these two shots felt like intentional mirrors of each other so i thought i'd make a set

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fusionsprunt · 5 months ago

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Hunter what the FUCK-

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#love this because it's the following reaction to the last ask #this is funny considering 72.7% of 44 people who interacted with the poll considered Hunter worthy of forgiveness. which is around 31 votes #tbf forgiving is one thing but moving on is very different #someone commented on the post saying they would forgive Hunter but would struggle to continue friends/acquaintances with him #and honestly? that's absolutely fair. but yeah you can guess Bee's reaction to the truth wasn't the best one #Hunter is used to her explosive reactions so he kinda expected her to lash out #but worse than that he was met with an utter and deadly silence. B2 never made it clear whether or not she forgave him #on one side all those years of hardwork and friendship sounded like a lie and she struggled to process the weight of it all #on the other side she wasn't the only person affected by his past actions and that infuriated her even more.#a whole civilization was nearly annihilated by Bee's kind - all because Gideon decided to send 'em off to war #the same civilization he's infiltrated under the disguise of a 'rebellious android'#the same civilization they spent years trying to rescue and save. the same civilization she considered family. the closest thing to home #------ now to a more inconsistent and unexplored side of this story...#There's a Certain Event that takes place after this and is very heartbreaking. however I'm not entirely sure if Hunter's told the truth-#-before or after the final conflicts of the story were over #i like to think he waited until the very end to talk to Bee. presuming it was safe enough to do so #It's likely Bee was so hurt and angry that she promised to go back to her Real Home (to her orbit as a comet) and never look back #and that's when- oh boy i talked too much in the tags again!#oh gee! so sorry for rambling #i'll stop here :]#the continuation to this can be found in an illustration i'm working on!! stay tuned!!!!#ok byeee #inbox #fusionsprunt

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hplonesomeart · 2 months ago

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You know I had to do my own rendition of this eventually. It’s just too good to pass up :))

Attached is just the still image version (not gif) and then some behind-the-scenes initial sketch without puzzle pattern. Also the car had a nose for some reason…glad that I went back to the actual reference material to change it because the Puzzlemobile ain’t got one <<

#I’ve stayed up….way too late…drawing this stupid thing #(current time is past 12am)#this guyyyyy is ridiculous. a clown. a looser even. Would marry #THATS A JOKE I’M JOKING OF COURSE WH—it’s not my word against myself your just reading in between the lines too much #he’s got great taste in cars tho. pull up with em hot wheels on the road. who needs stoplights when you’re the cause for the slow traffic #rule the streets absolute king truly an inconvenience on everyone’s lives #gangster moment pulling up ready to pick up the boys in this slick ride #crime boss real #(sorry these are unintelligible thoughts I wrote down as Procreate titles when working on this)#(I’m just typing them out again here because why not lol)#why is he actally man spreading do you think his legs hurt from keeping them elevated off the road?#or maybe they’re just weightless #the dogs are out /j #eh I’d let him pick me up (THIS IS A JOKE A HONKING JOKE I SWEAR) /j #see the actual comedy is in the frantic deniability of the statement #and for some reason I thought it would be funny to do that same joke twice over….don’t know why probably lack of sleep taking now🧍#anyways this is the most productive I’ve been at making art wow huh. Puzzle fixation coming in clutch right now three arts in one day #achievement unlocked ✨#hplonesome art #mr. puzzles smg4 #smg4 mr puzzles #puzzlemobile #smg4 Puzzlemobile #mr. puzzles in the Puzzlemobile #it’s crucial to include puzzlemobile in tags at any given opportunity because it’s just that iconic

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moresrush · 9 months ago

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Also. I wanna just take a moment and look at all of ya'll and tell you ... go ahead and write those fics, draw that art, hold those headcanons you have about your favorite characters being whatever. Make the characters you write about trans. Drabble about autism and how it relates to how characters function. Give them your favorite foods. Sneak in little quirks about yourself. You're allowed to draw characters with traits you have. Scars, blemishes, that stubble on your chin that you hope will grow more into a beard someday (it will I promise) or with nails painted the colors you like. When we do this ... and we share these parts of ourselves and we watch people react kindly, it helps us see that these characters are still loved, even when we shape them to be a little more like ourselves. That's powerful. Do you know why? Because when people see that others love characters that are trans ... they feel like they, too, can be loved as a trans person. Having representation in media means so much not just because we want to connect with something but because we, as humans, crave love and validation and sometimes it's so hard to find it for ourselves when we really need it. If you have friends who write or draw or even just speculate/daydream about this sort of stuff --- by golly, you gotta support them, you gotta boost them up. You gotta say "I love this" because that person will hear you and feel a little bit of that love for themselves ... and that's important. Right now, especially ... it's so goddamn important to do what makes you happy, what helps you love yourself and this little blue dot we are on. Put top scars on your favorite character. That's someone else's favorite, too --- and seeing it might give them the courage to accept themselves for who they are more, it might be the boost they need to say "hey, this is okay actually." We owe that to each other. And you owe it to yourself, too.

#hux noise #look i have a lot of feelings about things lately #i know i haven't been reblogging stuff #like i'm tired i am so tired of it all every day it just hurts #but there's GOOD here too #and you can be part of it and i am HONORED when people say #that me doing what i do gives them courage or makes them happy #it means so much i know it does because i was the same way #ilu guys please stay safe and happy and be kind to yourselves

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sysig · 6 months ago

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By the skin of your teeth (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Damned #DAX #ZEX #Pyramid Head #The Captain #Blood #The cuts themselves are just black and white because I'm controlling myself lol - clearly not That much with the rest but hey!#Still it is a very nasty cut for how nonchalantly I've drawn them all haha - ZEX's back too he's just facing forward #I also momentarily forgot that he was in his uniform it's fine don't worry about it lol #All these speculations on where and how about the injuries and then just - What Uniform That I Am Enamoured By? Haha #I've done the same thing with DAX I keep forgetting about his poor ankle and then it comes up and I'm like ''Oh yeah haha I knew that''#How are some details so sticky and others so smoke-like! Some stay in my brain and others - pffbtl how silly #All the same it's still the Funnest Fun <3 #There's something so Extra delightful to have Seen a setpiece - an object - an idea - and then get to interact with it <3 <3 #Hitting Pyramid Head with Zelnick's frying pan! Forget PH I can't believe we had the budget for the skillet's appearance fee ♪♫ Hehehe #No but honestly Pyramid Head was incredible ✨ Wonderfully scary and distressing and tense and full of fallout! Terrible things!! ♪♫#I've never drawn him before so it was interesting! :0 His appearance in SH2 looks all squished #Like his belly is jutting out across from a broken spine! Quite spooky #I don't think I fully managed to capture that - kinda just looks like his hip bones are very prominent hehe - but maybe some other time :)#I hope they don't run into him again - for their sake tho haha ♪#DAX continually pulling ZEX behind him to try and protect him (and failing) was something I really Had to put to paper <3 #As well as snuggles!! Even before they got Really hurt I was like Oh everyone needs hugs so bad :'0 And they do!! They need so many hugs!#Maybe especially Zelnick poor Captain :'0 Give this boy a break #The injuries are more of a self-guide hehe I'm not sure how accurate they are - they Feel accurate based on handedness et al #I was the least sure for Zelnick since he got tossed (poor thing!) but at least bruises are always fun to draw hehe #The return of my rainbow bruises lol - I only use three colours they're just so vibrant!#DAX trying so~ hard not to be taken in hehe what could these feelings be! Familiarly repressed? No surely not ♪#Be nice ♫

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 years ago

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sibling art pt 2!!!

second ask of the day and please do not feel obliged to answer either I just think you deserve to see this

they captioned this one "in honour of og Fairy being a dog"

The sensitive stomach of a dog girls VS the urge to eat whatever falls on the floor

#mdzs #equineswap au #xiao pingguo #little apple #lan wunian #fairy #Thank you and your sibling so much for this lovely art AND comic!!! Its incredibly sweet!!#I also appreciate you taking the pressure off of me posting (but also this comic is *too good* to stay hidden in my inbox/folder of joy)#Fairy is also such a mood. For me specifically.#I think most of my friends can attest to the fact I am notorious for eating things I should not #I've gotten food poisoning from things you wouldn't even think someone would attempt #There have been near scuffles as I make a dive for food that falls on the ground at the same time a pal is trying to say 'No thats Garbage!#Back to fairy...I'm hitting the gavel and declaring her both a 'tummy hurts all the time' girl #and also a 'will eat things without checking its edibility' girl.#jin ling is a dog that is so picky he wont eat anything off the floor. So someone's gotta do it.

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transgirltrish · 4 months ago

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#need to be held #everyone holds you differently....#so craving the kind of holding that you'll likely never get again because you got broken up with by that person is... hard. really hard.#17 days is not enough time to be better from a breakup.#i can act like im doing fine around others #i can fill my days with all sorts of things to do.#but in the slow parts #the parts filled only by my thoughts and my longing?#the hurt leaks out. drips and drops.#its not a thing where the hurt will ever truly go away. it meant too much to me for that. but i'll do my best to grow around it.#extra challenging part is that i'm trying to be friends with her still while my emotions are probly not processed enough.#i don't have a great track record of staying in touch with exes. i hope things with her turn out differently than my past times.#to those who have been reading these vent tag posts #sorry if i keep repeating the same things.#my sadness has a cyclical nature to it #or so it would seem.

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forkroid · 1 day ago

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I'm so fucking tired. Like. Literally and emotionally.

#Sometimes you start a talk you don't have the energy to finish but you HAVE to finish it and you CAN'T run away #Because that's why you're having the talk in the first place #But then everything you do just makes the conversation messier and you don't know if you should just leave it #Or if that's literally the exact opposite of what you need to do right now #And I don't know who to talk to who will give impartial advice and I don't know how to behave or when to stop or when to go #I don't know how to stop talking even I should. But talking hasn't alleviated the awful weight that made me start the conversation -#So I just keep talking! And that just seems to be more upsetting! So what then!#And then I'm told to stop the conversation and just try to focus on reconnecting #But the weight is still there! So do I ignore it? Do I pretend it's not there? Will that be better or worse?#Should we watch a movie and play a game? Should we talk about our day? Send a picture of the cat? Is that how to fix things?#Should I have never tried to work on anything in the first place and just allowed an old friendship to fade into obscurity?#Would that have been easier on everyone?#I'm so fucking tired.#I am tired of crying and I am tired of explaining myself and I am tired trying and I'm tired of getting nowhere #And it would be so much easier if I just didn't give a shit! It would be easier if I was okay with just becoming acquaintances #But “old friend” feels heavier. It feels like grief. It feels like something I should mourn.#And I know that this is a part of life sometimes - growing apart from people who were your world #But like.... God I feel myself becoming cynical about relationships and their ability to last #Like this was a person who for a good decade was the absolute closest person to me and fucking look at this mess #Literally why can't it just stay easy? What the hell even happened?#If I was doing something so fucking wrong why couldn't they just tell me? When I asked directly why say everything was fine?#It makes me feel crazy! It makes me feel like a highschooler again guessing if my classmates not liking me was in my head #And I've been in the room when they've voiced their secret frustrations with OTHER friends so I know how that conversation sounds #With nothing to go on but an unsettled feeling it is very easy to imagine that secret discussion about all my wrongdoing #If you tell me there is no pressure there should be no pressure! If you want me to stay out of your projects just tell me!#If I make you feel bad just let me know! If you feel I've ignored you bring it to my attention!#AND YES I know I'm bad about vocalizing those things too- I know I have the same problem - I know our communication is fucked #But like... Idk I know that's on me so I try not to let that affect how I feel about them- because I know they're in the dark on it #But I feel like I'm being resented for not acting appropriately in response to feelings I didn't know I hurt #Like you told me not to worry so I didn't but then that was apparently apathy and now I've fucked up big time

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red-dyed-sarumane · 2 days ago

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i've seen them together a few times but especially seeing them dj together dopam!ne & zensen seem like such good friends im happy for them

#they match each others energy really well theyre funny people #every time i see zensen he's in a suit & it makes it like so much funnier to me. the contrast....#person in a suit just going absolutely ham over good music. u know. theres nothing wrong with it at all it just contrasts to me #dopam!ne is dopam!ne idk what to say about him.#'deeply unserious' isnt right bc its clear he does take it seriously but also hes in it to entertain himself too #my throat hurts today so i didnt stay to get anything or talk but it was SO much fun #picco is also amazing too shes so cute & cool at the same time #im neutral on her songs in general usually theres a few i really like #but man they were made for a club setting her djing was sooo good & with all her little hand motions shes so cute

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mad-hunts · 3 months ago

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no, but have i talked about this on here before? because i don't think i have yet. though i was just thinking about all of the different people that barton has been interested in romantically, and one of them that definitely stands out to me is auriel. because even he doesn't really know what it is, but in the main story for barton, she's been missing for quite some time. i'm talking like ever since his final year of undergrad. so, it's been more than a decade since barton has seen her and yet, he still checks whether anyone with her physical description has suddenly shown up again in gotham.

and he has actually made an effort to compile whatever evidence he could pertaining to auriel's disappearance, which... although there hasn't been anything new as to where his character is in the timeline of events right now? barton may be the only person in gotham who is actively looking for her anymore. plus, before auriel went missing, she had actually lent one of her coats to him and i swear to god... this man has never taken care of an article of clothing better than he's taken care of her coat. so, this kind of makes me wonder how barton's usual behavior could be so contrary compared to him doing something like this.

i mean, judging by how he behaves around most people (which is basically TERRIBLY, to put it simply jsjsj), i think that he must've felt like they had a deeper connection between each other somehow. though auriel herself is certainly not a villain. so i'm saying this in terms of barton perhaps trusting her enough to tell her things that he wouldn't normally tell a soul, like how he was (and still somewhat is) afraid of his bio father as a kid. but yeah — seeing as i know what had happened to her character, this hits especially hard for me 😭 because she may not be dead but auriel certainly hasn't been in a good spot for a longgg time

#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ANGER'S HELPED ME STAY ALIVE: headcanons.#YOUR NEED GREW TEETH: character study.#ooc post.#god auriel really did deserve SO much better than what she got / where she's at overall in the story RN. but yeah i honestly think that-#barton genuinely loved her like he loved marceline but with his type of love often comes things that are ehh... definitely not so good.#i mean things like him going out of his way to make sure no one's bothering this person by hurting people who may be bullying them-#who had hurt them in the past kind of thing bc having barton's devotion is a little bit like having a WAYYY too protective guard-dog jsjsj #BUT him keeping an eye out for her even after all of this time and trying to occasionally view the evidence he gathered related to how she-#disappeared from a different angle despite barton having a rather big hunch that he's not going to find anything different.#and him only providing the best upkeep to her coat in hopes that she'll come back one day + auriel will notice that it looks the exact-#same that it did before is just - BYEEE i'm crying sobbing throwing a table because WHY can barton be like this sometimes and then-#be such a douche the next second like ;; anyways the point is if you see a penny lane coat in his closet it does in fact belong-#to auriel and it is just. GAHHH in beautiful condition still

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the-gayest-sky-kid · 1 year ago

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im havign shrimp emotions

#At the edges of my fingers Never quite closing round it Oh that peace like a river Always going but never getting Seems like maybe it's not #all that much a place As it is a way And ways don't ever seem to want to Stay too still for too long Isn't that what it's all about? The #slow trickling thaw that sets the banks in half The sweet melody it makes when the canyons crack I wanna give it all I've got and I want #nothing I want nothing back Whatever kingdom come it probably won't come quick No mighty clarion to announce it No single use ark to discard #in an instant Like Theseus's ship we'll fix the busted bits 'Til it's both nothing like and everything It's always been It's a wonder we #expect a thing to Stay the same at all Maybe that's what it's all about We keep fixing what we know is only bound to break What's worth #saving is never worth letting go to waste I want to mend what I've got instead of throwing away Ain't nothing come easy No nothing comes #quick It's gonna hurt like hell to become well But if we set the bone straight It'll mend It'll fix And we'll be well Ain't nothing come #easy No nothing comes quick But I want for you this that you are well I want for us this that we are well We are well we are well We are #well we are well We are well #btw

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dark-twist-fairytales · 27 days ago

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staring at some old posts like 'i have regrets'.

#venting in the tags below #its nothing about anyone specifically just as a general fandom view #of one specific fandom that we wont tag #just left that little buffer right there so if you dont want to read you dont have to. there is a lighter note at the end.#but that fandom just... sucks overall. dont get me wrong! we loved it as a kid #but its just... the same issues different characters. a divide amongst everyone.#and nothing can really be done about it because its just.. there.#you cant stop it.#no matter what: what you do is wrong.#weve tried in that fandom for years. literal years.#and its always been an outcasting feeling.#at first: we were too mature. then: too old. now: just plan old fucked and wanting to stay away from certain characters #'so you hate them?' no. they hurt and bring up bad memories.#'so youre not supportive?' i am supportive. its completely fine for me to say its not my cup of tea. because its not my cup of tea.#its... a shame really. but im glad that the bodys mom is able to see us smile again from a new place. much more accepting and comfortable.#its nice. it really is. i feel welcomed and like i belong around here.#i dont feel shamed for being sourced from the fandom im in #it feels.... nice. it feels like home. like this is where we were meant to be.#thank you. im glad we came back to tumblr. im glad that were still here. im glad that -despite everything- were still fighting the world #we may even have a better job opportunity than ever before! finally getting some sort of sleep at night. finally feel.. just safe overall.#safe on tumblr that is #i know we wont truly ever be safe. but one step at a time. one step at a time.#the fire fighter

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